I'm sure you are confused, scared, scarred, and probably hurting. If you weren't aware, we, your helpless commodities, managed to get our hands on a tiny nuclear reactor. It was in that bowling alley, you know the one where I murdered Wints and then your other pretty one. The one with the hats. Oh, you probably didn't know that. Well now, you do. I bludgeoned both to death. Don't be jealous, I was thinking of you the whole time. Then, we drew all those mole rats to our place. That might have been an accident. Actually, I think it was. These other softmeats aren't too capable out here in the Outlands. Then, we murdered you and Krieger, and that lady, and that other guy and your truck, and all the ornaments.

Well, not you, Kevin. You are still alive. If you can call it living. But then, were you living before that even?

Still, I will take that from you. I will find your charred still walking fleshpuppet and keep it in my toy chest for ... ever? Forever. Ever and ever. For. Four.

I am Earl.

Love, Earl.


The above was found etched into a metal scrap forcefully embedded in the dessicated skull of a molerat. Investigation of "Earl" and "Kevin" continues

~Professor Yotz, Outlands Researcher Cascadia Prime