FANDOM


The following letter was found nailed to a unidentifiable vermin corpse, floating in the dregs of Potholes Reservoir run-off

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DEAR KEVIN,

HOW ARE YOU? MISERABLE, I HOPE BUT I LEARNED LONG AGO THAT HOPE WAS POISON IN THE WASTELAND.  HAVE YOU HAD ANY POISON LATELY, KEVIN?

I'M DOING FINE.  I'M STILL MAINLY WITH ALL THOSE PEOPLE THAT QUOTEUNQUOTE KILLED YOU QUOTEUNQUOTE I'M NOT SURE HOW YOU REALLY USE QUOTES.  WE ARE STILL SURVIVING DESPITE THE BETTER ATTEMPTS OF LIKE ... EVERYTHING. BUGS AND BABIES AND BOTS. YOU KNOW HOW IT IS. OR WAS.

THE OLD-TIME-SUPER-FUN-GANG FOLKS WERE STUCK INSIDE THE VAULT TO PROTECT AGAINST DEMON BABY AND GRANDMOTHER GHOUL SO WE WENT A EXPLORIN'   WE FOUND FOR WANT ... can I stop yelling?  We found for want of a better term an quoteunquote abomination quoteunquote being slowly devoured by a bigger abomination.  It seemed sad and pathetic but possibly rich so we saved it.  We learned that this Queen Aunt birthed a ton of ants to serve as warriors for this WHILE E. WASP CHARACTER THAT SEEMS TO BE WAGING INSECT WAR AGAINST EVERYONE WHY AM I YELLING AGAIN so, lacking anything else better to do and/or more options short of trying to swiftly evolve past the need for physical form we investigated matters and found the Wasp's home vault and his laboratory vault. 

The more capable members of the OLD-TIME-SUPER-FUN-GANG did some magickal things with the help of our Aunt to fuck with the reactors, warming the Wasp's world up.  This let us sneak into their hive and start smashing shit WHICH IS WHAT I DO BEST EXCEPT FOR PASTRIES.  We discovered that our Aunt's aunts were used for FOOD and not SOLDIERS. I NEVER THOUGHT MY OLD AUNTS WERE DELICIOUS NOR GOOD SOLDIERS SO I'M PLEASED OUR AUNT'S AUNTS WERE GOOD FOR SOMEHTING.  However, she was pretty mad and wanted revenge and WE ALL UNDERSTAND THAT DON'T WE KEVIN. IT'S NATURAL.

So we smashy smashed things with fire and heat and wrench, finding the While E. Wasp with ANOTHER abomination, a massive queen wasp that was high on meth or something.  So, we SMASHED it and I SMASHED ITS SEVERED HEAD WITH MY MAGICKAL FIRE WRENCH AND IT EXPLODED IT WAS SO ROCK AND ROLL YOU DICKHEAD.  While E. Wasp turned out to be the FOURTH ABOMINATION and shot me with all this quoteunquote venom quoteunquote but all it did was GIVE ME A RAGING ERECTION WHICH TERRIFIED HIM AND HE FLEW AWAY.  Apparently trying to fly with abominational wings that are on fire doesn't work well, so we caught him. 

(let me just add that Mack, the quoteunquote merchant quoteunquote decided to quoteunquote CUT OFF WHILE E. WASP'S FUCKING WINGS quoteunquote AND I THOUGHT I WAS A MONSTER)

We eventually found the tunnel to Vault 6.42 and a bunch of whackadoos where each person lives with some sort of INSECT PATRONUS which is a joke NO ONE GETS EXCEPT ME AND I STILL DON'T KNOW WHY.  We found While E. Wasp's daughter who was really shocked her FATHER WAS AN ABOMNATION WHO MADE ABOMINATIONS AND ENSLAVED ABOMINATIONS.

Who knows what is next in store for our merry band of MISFITS!

Hope to see you soon, Kevin. And to kill you. Again. and again. and again. and again. then makeup. then kill you again.

-AN ABOMINATION

[NOTE FROM QUEEN - wait... I thought I was the abomination. Earl's an abomination too?! I guess I can see that. Very good then. Carry on.]

Queen - Killer Queen (Top Of The Pops, 1974)

Queen - Killer Queen (Top Of The Pops, 1974)